I’ve been thinking a lot about dreams, goals and my “tribe.” Everything, everywhere, is challenging me to dream, make goals, etc. Frankly, it’s a little uncomfortable to even share that much, so … that means I need to keep grinding. (Aside: that’s how I’ve been addressing my workouts for several months; if it is difficult or makes me uncomfortable, I need to do more of it, more often.) Makes sense to apply that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” logic here too, right?
The big, over-arching dream is easy; it hasn’t changed since about age four (for real!) – I want to be a writer. Now, I clearly am a writer; I won my first story contest in first or second grade, I was published in a national publication in high school, and… well, this is writing, right? So obviously, that one needs some fine-tuning, some measurable goals, etc., because just BEING about writing in a casual way isn’t cutting it anymore.
We’ll come back to that. Not today, or maybe not even this year, but remind me, and we’ll nail that one down one of these days. At the moment, I’m more … challenged? drawn to? unable to escape from? the harder to articulate “what are you trying to do/say?” or “what do you want to be known for?”
Think social media. Think the “about” sections here, Facebook, Instagram, etc. It makes me as uncomfortable as writing the “mission statement” at the top of my resume. Why do I keep putting pieces of myself out here? What am I trying to accomplish?
Here’s what I do know; I’m a good story-teller, even if I do run on like a bad run-on sentence sometimes, even if I do make James Joyce look like he didn’t know how to do stream of consciousness well at all. (I have loved him and Portrait of An Artist… since the first time I read the opening paragraph. “Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo”)
… and yet, I can’t give you three words or things I want to be known for. Dogs and pearls are also life-long identifiers (along with writing), and those of you who have followed me from ChanKnits to here (and how many blogs in between?!) already know I’ve had a knitting phase, a running phase, a competitive powerlifting phase, and I’ve dabbled with spinning, handbag obsessions, Lily P, obsessive reading and more.
Could I just keep on spitting in the social media wind just because it seems like the thing to do? Sure, and some of you dear, supportive folks would keep on following along – and I love you for that – but see the opener… I do have dreams and goals and we all know I lost myself for at least a decade, maybe two, and … I need a plan, because I need to get to where I feel driven to go.
In an ideal world, on a sunny, warm afternoon at a local winery, Starbucks or somewhere on the Downtown Mall, I’d assemble my local tribe and we’d talk, laugh, roll our eyes and I’d take notes and have a vision at the end of it all. Or maybe Marjie, Krystle and I could meet at Carriage Corner, and gMarie would have time to join us in a friendly little brain-storming session that would make things clearer. I could keep going with more and more names, because each of you has helped me along the way, and I count you all as friends. But the simple truth is, life is hectic and that isn’t likely to happen in even one instance…
So, dear, trusted reader friends, give me words and phrases. I’m not a mom – although I think Nichole, Susan and Sue make an argument for dog moms being some of the most selfless, wise women I know. I’m not a wife, and despite “years in residence” I don’t know that I ever really walked that walk the way many wives do, so two of the identifiers most women hang their hats on don’t work for me.
Here’s what I do know:
- I admire and connect with courageous women with compelling stories
- I am physically strong and enjoy a good sweat/physical challenge
- I love knowledge for its own sake
- I would rather cheer for you than blow my own horn
- Authenticity matters, especially when dealing with the woman in the mirror
- I need to be needed, but in a healthy way – if that makes sense?
- My dog is family
- There are no coincidences
I await your comments.
4 thoughts on “About me”
The need to be needed is the strongest human drive towards compassion and kindness. Which you have in abundance.
Well, I find you very easy to read. Sometimes when I review before I POST a blog for the day, I wonder, how could anyone read this ? I need to edit. You have a lot to offer Channon . To all of us. If you want to grow with your writing, consider a workbook from your local library. Find one with prompts that interest you.??? Read, read, read. The authors you love will end up in your posts. Join a group that posts one day a week if that helps???? Hmmmm, what else can I think of?
Chan, you have many gifts to share. Now it seems you are trying to find some order in the chaos of life to follow your dreams, but perhaps a platform for doing so is illusive. Compassionknit offers some good advice. Perhaps you could find a writing group to help you focus on that dream–there must be many in your university town. I remember years ago you wanted to write books for children based on the antics of your pups. That might be a good place to start. I have no doubt that whatever you decide to do, once you settle to the task, you will succeed. Onward, friend! Best of luck.
PS – You don’t need an “identifier”. Being Chan is enough.
You just let me know when you’re headed toward Carriage Corner, and I”ll be there! It’s only 3 hours from me, and I think it should be maybe 5 or 6 from you!
You should write whatever makes you happy. I bought some hardcovered books, and I’m writing one for each of my grandchildren as a series of letters on their birthdays. They’ll never remember their grandpa, who loved them so very dearly, so I can ensure that he is remembered, even beyond me. And if my genetics do actually kick in, and knock me out within the next 10 years, they’ll have something to remember me. Writing works; it makes you think, and brings clarity to the situation.
And maybe I need to start showing up again. I’m looking for consistency and clarity these days; sometimes I’m just manic, and some days I can’t start. You’re setting a good example!