I’ve been thinking a lot about dreams, goals and my “tribe.” Everything, everywhere, is challenging me to dream, make goals, etc. Frankly, it’s a little uncomfortable to even share that much, so … that means I need to keep grinding. (Aside: that’s how I’ve been addressing my workouts for several months; if it is difficult or makes me uncomfortable, I need to do more of it, more often.) Makes sense to apply that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” logic here too, right?
The big, over-arching dream is easy; it hasn’t changed since about age four (for real!) – I want to be a writer. Now, I clearly am a writer; I won my first story contest in first or second grade, I was published in a national publication in high school, and… well, this is writing, right? So obviously, that one needs some fine-tuning, some measurable goals, etc., because just BEING about writing in a casual way isn’t cutting it anymore.
We’ll come back to that. Not today, or maybe not even this year, but remind me, and we’ll nail that one down one of these days. At the moment, I’m more … challenged? drawn to? unable to escape from? the harder to articulate “what are you trying to do/say?” or “what do you want to be known for?”
Think social media. Think the “about” sections here, Facebook, Instagram, etc. It makes me as uncomfortable as writing the “mission statement” at the top of my resume. Why do I keep putting pieces of myself out here? What am I trying to accomplish?
Here’s what I do know; I’m a good story-teller, even if I do run on like a bad run-on sentence sometimes, even if I do make James Joyce look like he didn’t know how to do stream of consciousness well at all. (I have loved him and Portrait of An Artist… since the first time I read the opening paragraph. “Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo”)
… and yet, I can’t give you three words or things I want to be known for. Dogs and pearls are also life-long identifiers (along with writing), and those of you who have followed me from ChanKnits to here (and how many blogs in between?!) already know I’ve had a knitting phase, a running phase, a competitive powerlifting phase, and I’ve dabbled with spinning, handbag obsessions, Lily P, obsessive reading and more.
Could I just keep on spitting in the social media wind just because it seems like the thing to do? Sure, and some of you dear, supportive folks would keep on following along – and I love you for that – but see the opener… I do have dreams and goals and we all know I lost myself for at least a decade, maybe two, and … I need a plan, because I need to get to where I feel driven to go.
In an ideal world, on a sunny, warm afternoon at a local winery, Starbucks or somewhere on the Downtown Mall, I’d assemble my local tribe and we’d talk, laugh, roll our eyes and I’d take notes and have a vision at the end of it all. Or maybe Marjie, Krystle and I could meet at Carriage Corner, and gMarie would have time to join us in a friendly little brain-storming session that would make things clearer. I could keep going with more and more names, because each of you has helped me along the way, and I count you all as friends. But the simple truth is, life is hectic and that isn’t likely to happen in even one instance…
So, dear, trusted reader friends, give me words and phrases. I’m not a mom – although I think Nichole, Susan and Sue make an argument for dog moms being some of the most selfless, wise women I know. I’m not a wife, and despite “years in residence” I don’t know that I ever really walked that walk the way many wives do, so two of the identifiers most women hang their hats on don’t work for me.
Here’s what I do know:
- I admire and connect with courageous women with compelling stories
- I am physically strong and enjoy a good sweat/physical challenge
- I love knowledge for its own sake
- I would rather cheer for you than blow my own horn
- Authenticity matters, especially when dealing with the woman in the mirror
- I need to be needed, but in a healthy way – if that makes sense?
- My dog is family
- There are no coincidences
I await your comments.